You’d probably hire a few of them
We all have to eventually join the workforce and make ourselves useful to society. Many of the careers that are in highest demand now require one programming language or the other, but what if instead of jobs needing programming languages, programming languages needed jobs?
Here’s a list I’ve compiled of some of the most popular programming languages and the jobs they’d undertake if they had to.
Potential Job 1: Barista at Your Local Coffee Shop
Java is named after coffee beans from the Indonesian island of Java. This is why I definitely wouldn’t be survived if this programming language chose to return to her roots and sell coffee that could make her hometown proud.
Potential Job 2: University Professor
Let’s be honest though: as one of the most well-respected programming languages out there (as is made evident by the sheer number of universities that embed Java in their CS curriculums), we can’t be surprised if Java decided she’d rather teach at university. After all, nothing is stopping this ambitious woman from pursuing a Ph.D. in coffee beans!
Potential Job 1: Social Media Influencer
Python is trending right now, and it has been for quite a while, with its 27% year-over-year growth rate. Python makes its feats look as easy as they are impressive, and so it is no secret that this language has everything it takes to become the next number-1 hit on whichever social media platform it chooses. Watch out world!
Potential Job 2: Wizard
I know what you’re thinking: “wizardry isn’t a real job”. Before you click out of this article in disapproval, hear me out! Wizards exist. They do, I swear, and they work to make our world a better place (just ask JK Rowling if you don’t believe me). Wizards exist and Python, with its uncanny ability to capture the attention of so many developers in such little time, seems like it has all of the skills it needs to become one.
Potential Job 1: Politician
Politicians are tough and demanding, but manage to create a huge impact on modern society even though usually they’re pretty old. Do you know who else fits that description? You guessed it: C. By mutating into C# and C++, C is one language that is somehow still as relevant as ever.
Potential Job 2: Judge
Since C is so keen on making developers stick to its rigid laws (laws which reveal a very strange bias towards semi-colons, might I add) we all just have to admit there would be no better judge than C. Honestly, we shouldn’t t be surprised if C somehow manages to work its way up to the Supreme Court
Potential Job 1: Tech Support Excuses
Considered not as real programming languages, I’m convinced this pair would thrive in the world of tech support, where they can continue to fool people into thinking they’re something they’re not!
Potential Job 2: Artist
Even though HTML/CSS might not be programming languages, they’re still valuable. Without front-end development, the user experience would suck. We need them, whether we’ll admit it or not, and their work is difficult. We have to admit, they’re the top artists of our generation and they deserve our respect.
Potential Job 1: Teacher
Teachers are undervalued, and they often have to take care of rebellious students who some believe are not worth taking care of. They believe in students’ potential just like JS believes in the potential of HTML/CSS, and they continue to serve society even though truth be told, just like JS, they don’t get the recognition they deserve.
Potential Job 2: Civil Engineer
Potential Job 1: Builder
We need a builder for even the most basic of all facilities: a roof over our heads. Programming languages need Assembler if they ever want to run. It’s no surprise then that Assembler would be the builder of the century.
Potential Job 2: Doctor
Like construction, medicine is a job that is as timeless as Assembler itself. Just like doctors know all the organs we need to survive, Assembler knows all about the machine code that all higher-level programming languages just cannot live without.